You're my absolute best friend in the entire world, and we've been in each other's lives for nearly ten years now. It's incredible. I don't think I've ever had a friend as long as I've had you as my very best friend. You've been there with me through some of the very best and worst moments of my life. You've been the shoulder for me to cry on metaphorically and someone for me to talk to each and every day, and it's always been a comfort to get to come home and talk to you or to send you messages throughout the day.
You always have words of wisdom. You know me better than I know myself. You know when to call me on something and when to encourage, and I've never been so open with anyone before. I trust you more than I trust anybody, and I cannot imagine my life without you in it, without us being able to come home after our days or during our days to talk to each other about what's going on in our lives. You've changed me for the better in more ways than I can say, and I would not have grown so much and challenged myself so much if not for you and your influence.
On top of that, our RP remains my main escape from life and busy times and whatever else may be going on. I know I can retreat to the worlds we create and the characters and CR that we build together. Your writing is incredible, and I cannot go over how many of your tags that I've read and reread. Your writing is poetic. You capture such emotion and raw truth in your writing. I absolutely love it and I always have from the very start- from the first time I ever read a tag of yours and read your application all those years ago as Rachel Dawes to the most recent beautiful tags you send my way. Our CR truly is like lightning in a bottle each and every time, I'm surprised by the strength of it and by how perfect it is. After all this time, I always, always want more of it too like I can never get enough.
I feel so blessed to have you as my very best friend, and I hope this coming year is a great one. You deserve all the good and wonderful things.
You make apping into Eway one of the best decisions I've ever made because I love all of our things and I love all of our chats. You've become one of my closest rp buddies and I'm thankful that you're in my life every day.
One of these days we will definitely meet in person, I demand it.
I love you more than I can ever say, Ella, but I'm going to try! 😂 These past years of knowing you and having you in my life have meant so much to me. I don't connect often with people so easily but I felt like I could know and trust you from the moment we met. Things I love about our friendship: we are alike but not so alike that it's boring, we can count on each other and be honest even with the bad or negative, we are always there for each other but also understand and respect the need for space -- and I feel like your perspective has helped me come into my own kindness and understanding of myself. You've taught me through your council and actions that it's important to trust and follow my instincts. That's so important to me.
You are an astounding person and friend. You are one of the most kind, inclusive, and savvy people I know. You always treat people with honesty and respect and that's a testament to the kind of person you are. You have such a breadth of intelligence and willingness to talk about anything and everything, from serious and hard to fun and light. You are so, so creative in your story- and character-telling. It is enormously inspiring to see how you weave a narrative and write your characters -- and how you include others in that collaboration of give and take. These qualities are part of makes you who you are: this wonderful person who I'm glad to know and call my friend. I'm so grateful to know you and excited to keep on knowing you, and to let you know me too.
Happy birthday, girl! You deserve all the best in the world. I love you!
😘💕🙌
p.s. i'm commenting with elena's journal so you can look at her cupcake face
ella you are one of my best friends and I am so blessed to have you in my life. we've known each other for like five years now which seems absolutely wild to me but what a blessing. I know I can talk to you about anything whether it be rp concerns, fandom stuff, real life stuff, or whatever. even when our schedules don't always allign for us talking to one another much when we're finally able to do so it's like we didn't miss any time at all. that's really rare in today's day and age. you are one of the brightest and most insightful people to talk to and I love that even when we don't agree on a subject we can still be civil and challenge one another to look at perspectives we might have seen before.
you challenge me to be a better person, and a better friend.
one of the things I love most about you is your value for positivity in the world. it's pretty easy to get caught up in the negative, especially in the world today, but you are often trying to find the hope and optimism in the world. this is apparent in your love for things like raimi's spiderman films or parks and recreation and evne the way you're drawn to characters like elena who have suffered so much loss and pain and still try to make sense of the world around them. you want to see the good in the things around you, and that's so beautiful to me.
i'm so excited for our new ocs and everything else that's to come in our friendship. i love you.
Over those nine years we have done so many things and have had so many different ranging kinds of CR, and I have enjoyed every single moment of it. Writing with you has always been a blast and chatting with you about stuff, especially when it's geeking out over one of our shared fandoms is always the highlight of my day. I love everything we've done together, and I can never thank you enough for enabling me into BTR and always giving me bigger and better ideas to work with.
I love you to pieces and I hope you have a super excellent birthday. And I will be back after reunion insanity is over to leave you some more presents. <3333333
Look at them, Jolene says, and she says it every time like the very word is a weapon before flinging down the picture in front of Jake. Lena and some unnamed, unknown man with smiles on their faces. Her smile is so beautiful. They're happy. Where would you even fit in if you got out? Who would want you anymore? Have you looked in the mirror?
The truth is Jake doesn't look in the mirror anymore.
It's been years since he saw his own reflection on purpose (and the thing that he has become, beaten and bruised and scarred and changed).
Sometimes she makes him look
They're so happy, aren't they? They're so beautiful together. Couple of the century. He's attractive. He makes her smile. I bet he didn't wait to tell her how he felt. Always so upstanding, Jake. Aren't you tired of it?
He is. The truth is he's tired of all that light, and the demon's so loud locked up in this cage. Whenever he's not near dying, the demon roars to life, echoing everything Jolene says as if it is truth. He wants more. He wants more-
There's no getting out unless he becomes what she wants (hasn't he already? she's just fixing the bits that don't fit).
Eventually, eventually, Jake tears the picture in two, tearing up, folding and fisting up the remains of the man and keeping her- her face. her face as close to him as he can. He traces and traces it for the time coming up, and he traces her so much her face starts to fade in the picture and he can't see the details as well (the dark brown of her eyes. how dark are they really? what's her voice? what is her voice?
it's so hard to hear over the screaming). His hand curves over the pieces of the picture and then he goes to the spot in the brick- where he kept it safe. On the day, when the mission was going to happen, she gave it to him. It was hers from the start, but she had him bow down to slide it over the top of his head. They knew it'd be dangerous, but they didn't really know, did they? He reaches into the hole, pulling it out by the cross first and then the chain. He holds on so tightly to it that it digs into his palm.
She gave it to him for hope, for good luck. In the end, it's the powerful reminder of her- of Lena, of how much he loves her when he forgets his own name.
The young girl (she can't be more than eighteen)-- she's good. She nearly gets them at their own game, which is what attracts Sonny's attention to start with. They're one step ahead of her (they have their own team, and they steal what she's searching for before she can). She's a wanderer, and she's somehow mixed up with one of the most fucked up groups in the city. Through the whirlwind mission, she ends up back at the Crowbar, drinking from a glass and looking like she doesn't trust an inch of this place or the people in it.
It's Jake who steps over to her with a plate of food in hand and a first aid kit under his arm.
It's Jake who sits down across from her at the booth as she sits there with a towel to the cut on her hand, and he already tells she doesn't trust him either. Why should she?
She's a firecracker. She's smart as hell. She'd take the world on by storm, and she's definitely too good for the group she's got herself caught into. He sees the cross hanging around her neck too- Where'd she come from? How long's she been here?
"Thought you might be hungry," he says with that gruff bear voice of his that's somehow warm and deep all at once. "And that the cut could use some tending to."
She blinks and stares at him without saying anything at first as if she's awestruck he'd even try. "And then what? You may be unfairly handsome, but nothing comes for free."
"There are a lot of things that should come for free," he insists in a quiet but warm tone, stretching his hand out to her and waiting as if giving her the time.
It's a moment and then another. She stares at him for a long time with dark eyes before she finally stretches her hand out into his own, and he tends to it without asking anything in return.
I tried to start with songs about grief/loss and move towards anger and fighting and then acceptance and peace, I'm not sure how effective it is but I hope you like it.
1. What Sarah Said by Deathcab for Cutie 'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"
So who's going to watch you die?
2. Pompeii by Bean's Den I was too young to understand The flowers sleeping in her hands I was too young to understand I was too young to understand
Don't cry Hold your head up high She would want you to She would want you to
3. Dead Hearts by Stars Did you touch them, did you hold them? Did they follow you to town? They make me feel I'm falling down They make me feel I'm falling down
Was there one you saw too clearly? Did they seem too real to you? They were kids that I once knew They were kids that I once knew
4. The Child is Gone by Fiona Apple And I suddenly feel Like a different person From the roots of my soul Come a gentle coersion And I ran my hand O'er a strange inversion As the darkness Turns into the dawn The child is gone The child is gone
5. Happy Phantom by Tori Amos And if I die today I'll be the happy phantom And I'll go chasin' the nuns out in the yard And I'll run naked through the streets without my mask on And I will never need umbrellas in the rain I'll wake up in strawberry fields every day And the atrocities of school I can forgive The happy phantom has no right to bitch Oh who The time is getting closer Oh who Time to be a ghost Oh who Every day we're getting closer The sun is getting dim Will we pay for who we been?
6.It Just Is by Rilo Kiley And this loss isn't good enough for sorrow or inspiration. It's such a loss for the good guys, Afraid of this life, That it just is. 'Cause everybody dies...
7. Bigger on the Inside by Amanda Palmer I keep forgetting to remember That he would have been much prouder If he saw me shake these insults off Instead of getting bitter
I am bigger on the inside But you have to come inside to see me Otherwise you're only hating Other people's low-res copies
8. Damn These Vampires by the Mountain Goats Feast like pagans, never get enough Sleep like dead men, wake up like dead men And when the sun comes, try not to hate the light Someday we'll try to walk upright
Crawl 'till dawn On my hands and knees Goddamn these bite marks Deep in my arteries
9. Release Me by Jack's Mannequin Now I'm in trouble with these friends of mine A change was in my blood, I lost my sense of direction I dragged us to the bright light, life is like a TV show My fuse is set, I'm pressing go, your match is lit but it's burning slow
10. Things We Lost in the Fire by Bastille These are the things, the things we lost These are the things we lost in the fire fire fire
Flames – they licked the walls Tenderly they turned to dust all that I adore
11. Warrior Heart by Yael Meyer I'm an unfinished road a bird that flies away from the cold I'm a lover with no game and I've got no one to blame for the ailings in may warrior heart
so love me love me so love me like you can't let go love me even when I'm so hard to love love my warrior heart, love my warrior heart ooooo
12. Not Insane by Sarah Bettens For every so called victory you lose a piece of you The one that shows you love can be in everything you do Love can be in everything you do I told myself today It's pretty nice to find your way No matter what you say I am not insane
13. Stop Crying Your Heart Out by Oasis Get up (get up) Come on (come on) Why're you scared? (I'm not scared) You'll never change What's been and gone 'Cause all of the stars Are fading away Just try not to worry You'll see them some day Take what you need And be on your way And stop crying your heart out
14. Thank U by Alanis Morrisette The moment I let go of it Was the moment I got more than I could handle The moment I jumped off of it Was the moment I touched down
How bout no longer being masochistic How bout remembering your divinity How bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out How bout not equating death with stopping
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
words.
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You're my absolute best friend in the entire world, and we've been in each other's lives for nearly ten years now. It's incredible. I don't think I've ever had a friend as long as I've had you as my very best friend. You've been there with me through some of the very best and worst moments of my life. You've been the shoulder for me to cry on metaphorically and someone for me to talk to each and every day, and it's always been a comfort to get to come home and talk to you or to send you messages throughout the day.
You always have words of wisdom. You know me better than I know myself. You know when to call me on something and when to encourage, and I've never been so open with anyone before. I trust you more than I trust anybody, and I cannot imagine my life without you in it, without us being able to come home after our days or during our days to talk to each other about what's going on in our lives. You've changed me for the better in more ways than I can say, and I would not have grown so much and challenged myself so much if not for you and your influence.
On top of that, our RP remains my main escape from life and busy times and whatever else may be going on. I know I can retreat to the worlds we create and the characters and CR that we build together. Your writing is incredible, and I cannot go over how many of your tags that I've read and reread. Your writing is poetic. You capture such emotion and raw truth in your writing. I absolutely love it and I always have from the very start- from the first time I ever read a tag of yours and read your application all those years ago as Rachel Dawes to the most recent beautiful tags you send my way. Our CR truly is like lightning in a bottle each and every time, I'm surprised by the strength of it and by how perfect it is. After all this time, I always, always want more of it too like I can never get enough.
I feel so blessed to have you as my very best friend, and I hope this coming year is a great one. You deserve all the good and wonderful things.
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I love you so many let me count the ways.
You make apping into Eway one of the best decisions I've ever made because I love all of our things and I love all of our chats. You've become one of my closest rp buddies and I'm thankful that you're in my life every day.
One of these days we will definitely meet in person, I demand it.
Much love and Happy Birthday <3333
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You are an astounding person and friend. You are one of the most kind, inclusive, and savvy people I know. You always treat people with honesty and respect and that's a testament to the kind of person you are. You have such a breadth of intelligence and willingness to talk about anything and everything, from serious and hard to fun and light. You are so, so creative in your story- and character-telling. It is enormously inspiring to see how you weave a narrative and write your characters -- and how you include others in that collaboration of give and take. These qualities are part of makes you who you are: this wonderful person who I'm glad to know and call my friend. I'm so grateful to know you and excited to keep on knowing you, and to let you know me too.
Happy birthday, girl! You deserve all the best in the world. I love you!
😘💕🙌
p.s. i'm commenting with elena's journal so you can look at her cupcake face
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you challenge me to be a better person, and a better friend.
one of the things I love most about you is your value for positivity in the world. it's pretty easy to get caught up in the negative, especially in the world today, but you are often trying to find the hope and optimism in the world. this is apparent in your love for things like raimi's spiderman films or parks and recreation and evne the way you're drawn to characters like elena who have suffered so much loss and pain and still try to make sense of the world around them. you want to see the good in the things around you, and that's so beautiful to me.
i'm so excited for our new ocs and everything else that's to come in our friendship. i love you.
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Over those nine years we have done so many things and have had so many different ranging kinds of CR, and I have enjoyed every single moment of it. Writing with you has always been a blast and chatting with you about stuff, especially when it's geeking out over one of our shared fandoms is always the highlight of my day. I love everything we've done together, and I can never thank you enough for enabling me into BTR and always giving me bigger and better ideas to work with.
I love you to pieces and I hope you have a super excellent birthday. And I will be back after reunion insanity is over to leave you some more presents. <3333333
fics.
jake torture session. ficlet.
The truth is Jake doesn't look in the mirror anymore.
It's been years since he saw his own reflection on purpose (and the thing that he has become, beaten and bruised and scarred and changed).
Sometimes she makes him look
They're so happy, aren't they? They're so beautiful together. Couple of the century. He's attractive. He makes her smile. I bet he didn't wait to tell her how he felt. Always so upstanding, Jake. Aren't you tired of it?
He is. The truth is he's tired of all that light, and the demon's so loud locked up in this cage. Whenever he's not near dying, the demon roars to life, echoing everything Jolene says as if it is truth. He wants more. He wants more-
There's no getting out unless he becomes what she wants (hasn't he already? she's just fixing the bits that don't fit).
Eventually, eventually, Jake tears the picture in two, tearing up, folding and fisting up the remains of the man and keeping her- her face. her face as close to him as he can. He traces and traces it for the time coming up, and he traces her so much her face starts to fade in the picture and he can't see the details as well (the dark brown of her eyes. how dark are they really? what's her voice? what is her voice?
it's so hard to hear over the screaming). His hand curves over the pieces of the picture and then he goes to the spot in the brick- where he kept it safe. On the day, when the mission was going to happen, she gave it to him. It was hers from the start, but she had him bow down to slide it over the top of his head. They knew it'd be dangerous, but they didn't really know, did they? He reaches into the hole, pulling it out by the cross first and then the chain. He holds on so tightly to it that it digs into his palm.
She gave it to him for hope, for good luck. In the end, it's the powerful reminder of her- of Lena, of how much he loves her when he forgets his own name.
a fateful meeting.
It's Jake who steps over to her with a plate of food in hand and a first aid kit under his arm.
It's Jake who sits down across from her at the booth as she sits there with a towel to the cut on her hand, and he already tells she doesn't trust him either. Why should she?
She's a firecracker. She's smart as hell. She'd take the world on by storm, and she's definitely too good for the group she's got herself caught into. He sees the cross hanging around her neck too- Where'd she come from? How long's she been here?
"Thought you might be hungry," he says with that gruff bear voice of his that's somehow warm and deep all at once. "And that the cut could use some tending to."
She blinks and stares at him without saying anything at first as if she's awestruck he'd even try. "And then what? You may be unfairly handsome, but nothing comes for free."
"There are a lot of things that should come for free," he insists in a quiet but warm tone, stretching his hand out to her and waiting as if giving her the time.
It's a moment and then another. She stares at him for a long time with dark eyes before she finally stretches her hand out into his own, and he tends to it without asking anything in return.
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pics.
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things you like to look at vol. 1
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misc.
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THEIR FACES. /claws at my own.
Damn These Vampires: An Elena Gilbert Fanmix
1. What Sarah Said by Deathcab for Cutie
'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"
So who's going to watch you die?
2. Pompeii by Bean's Den
I was too young to understand
The flowers sleeping in her hands
I was too young to understand
I was too young to understand
Don't cry
Hold your head up high
She would want you to
She would want you to
3. Dead Hearts by Stars
Did you touch them, did you hold them?
Did they follow you to town?
They make me feel I'm falling down
They make me feel I'm falling down
Was there one you saw too clearly?
Did they seem too real to you?
They were kids that I once knew
They were kids that I once knew
4. The Child is Gone by Fiona Apple
And I suddenly feel
Like a different person
From the roots of my soul
Come a gentle coersion
And I ran my hand
O'er a strange inversion
As the darkness
Turns into the dawn
The child is gone
The child is gone
5. Happy Phantom by Tori Amos
And if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go chasin' the nuns out in the yard
And I'll run naked through the streets without my mask on
And I will never need umbrellas in the rain
I'll wake up in strawberry fields every day
And the atrocities of school I can forgive
The happy phantom has no right to bitch
Oh who
The time is getting closer
Oh who
Time to be a ghost
Oh who
Every day we're getting closer
The sun is getting dim
Will we pay for who we been?
6.It Just Is by Rilo Kiley
And this loss isn't good enough for sorrow or inspiration.
It's such a loss for the good guys,
Afraid of this life,
That it just is.
'Cause everybody dies...
7. Bigger on the Inside by Amanda Palmer
I keep forgetting to remember
That he would have been much prouder
If he saw me shake these insults off
Instead of getting bitter
I am bigger on the inside
But you have to come inside to see me
Otherwise you're only hating
Other people's low-res copies
8. Damn These Vampires by the Mountain Goats
Feast like pagans, never get enough
Sleep like dead men, wake up like dead men
And when the sun comes, try not to hate the light
Someday we'll try to walk upright
Crawl 'till dawn
On my hands and knees
Goddamn these bite marks
Deep in my arteries
9. Release Me by Jack's Mannequin
Now I'm in trouble with these friends of mine
A change was in my blood, I lost my sense of direction
I dragged us to the bright light, life is like a TV show
My fuse is set, I'm pressing go, your match is lit but it's burning slow
10. Things We Lost in the Fire by Bastille
These are the things, the things we lost
These are the things we lost in the fire fire fire
Flames – they licked the walls
Tenderly they turned to dust all that I adore
11. Warrior Heart by Yael Meyer
I'm an unfinished road
a bird that flies away from the cold
I'm a lover with no game
and I've got no one to blame
for the ailings in may warrior heart
so love me love me so
love me like you can't let go
love me even when I'm so hard to love
love my warrior heart, love my warrior heart
ooooo
12. Not Insane by Sarah Bettens
For every so called victory you lose a piece of you
The one that shows you love can be in everything you do
Love can be in everything you do
I told myself today
It's pretty nice to find your way
No matter what you say
I am not insane
13. Stop Crying Your Heart Out by Oasis
Get up (get up)
Come on (come on)
Why're you scared? (I'm not scared)
You'll never change
What's been and gone
'Cause all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
14. Thank U by Alanis Morrisette
The moment I let go of it
Was the moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it
Was the moment I touched down
How bout no longer being masochistic
How bout remembering your divinity
How bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How bout not equating death with stopping
playlist can be listened to here
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